Hello, dear strangers on the same train!

How is it that of 300 or so subscribers to my blog, there are at least a hundred I haven’t met in real life? I definitely wasn’t expecting this when I first started this blog 3 months ago.

Last night, a good friend remarked that this recent post was a breath of fresh air. “It’s nice when you post about less heavy stuff once in a while,” he said. I suppose as blog followers began expanding beyond my little social circle, I subconsciously began cutting out potential posts that would be irrelevant to a readership that probably looks something like this:

blogreadership - Plain

There are other spaces for college rants and food cravings and other self-indulgent posts, I thought, like Facebook. But then I realized, for people who don’t know me in real life, I must come across as either (A) a super intense person,  or (B) someone who takes herself too seriously. Well, in a sense, B is kind of true — I take myself very seriously — but the same way I (try to) take others very seriously, and C.S. Lewis puts it really well: “There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization — these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit — immortal horrors or everlasting splendor.” Sorry, that escalated quickly. But seriously, though.

Let me end on a lighthearted note, with another random recording my friend Ben and I made over the weekend.

Colors of the Wind! What could be more lighthearted than Disney? (Maybe try to ignore the possibility that this song could be an environmentalist’s anthem, or an attack on white supremacy…)

But thank you, thank you for your interest in the things I write/post. It’s been a huge encouragement to know that I have thoughts and life experiences that are worth sharing. I’ve greatly enjoyed reading about yours too. 🙂 Even if we don’t know each other, I’m thankful for the common calling(s) we share, wherever you find yourself in that Venn diagram.

“As we turn to …

“As we turn to the fundamental principles of physics, we discover that order does not really emerge from chaos, as we might naively assume; it always emerges from greater and more impressive order already present at a deeper level. . . . The simplicity to which scientific reductionism leads us, then, is of a very paradoxical kind. It is a simplicity that is by no means simpleminded.”

–Stephen M. Barr in Fearful Symmetries

More than words

Most of the content on this blog has been rather heavy, but here’s a casual recording Ben and I made last night. Ben is a good old high school friend who’s visiting from Boston U (where he’s majoring in Vocal Performance). He’s as incredibly talented as his soul is incredibly warm and compassionate.

This is one of my favorite songs of all time, and though it was probably written as any other secular love song (but more awesome than most), it reminds me a lot of a Christian’s walk with God. It almost sounds like a dialogue between man and God.

Saying I love you \ Is not the words I want to hear from you \ It’s not that I want to \ Not to say, but if you only knew \ How easy it would be to show me how you feel \ More than words is all you have to do to make it real \ Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me \ ‘Cause I’d already know

Think how we’re called to be doers, not just hearers, of the Word (James 1:22-25). How Christ calls us to love another if we’re truly his followers (John 13:34-35). In Isaiah 58 God declares separates false, superficial worship from true worship, that is to break the chains of injustice and set the oppressed free.

And the second verse gets me really emotional, as it brings me back to the lowest point of my depression, of hopeless surrender, where I’d given up laying claim to all the things of this world, realizing that all I really needed was to know, for certain, that God really loved me as the Bible says he does.

Now that I’ve tried to talk to you and make you understand \ All you have to do is close your eyes \ And just reach out your hands and touch me \ Hold me close don’t ever let me go \ More than words is all I ever needed you to show \ Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me \ ‘Cause I’d already know

And he answered my cries spoke into the darkness to give me hope I couldn’t refuse. In a desert land he found him, in a barren and howling waste. He shielded him and cared for him; he guarded him as the apple of his eye.” (Deuteronomy 32:10)

(Oops, was this a “heavy” post too?)

“I am in revolt…

“I am in revolt against the age-old lie that the majority is always right! I tell you now that the majority is always wrong. Was the majority right when they stood by while Jesus was crucified? Was the majority right when they refused to believe that the earth moved around the sun and let Galileo be driven to his knees like a dog? It takes 50 years for the majority to be right. The majority is never right until it does right.”

–Dr. Stockmann (An Enemy of The People by Henrik Ibsen)

Being back home in Jakarta means it’s time for the annual excavation of old photo albums. This year, the above vestiges of my childhood strike me most powerfully.

1. (Left) It’s hard to imagine that I was once that tiny. And that my mom once unabashedly sported magenta shorts.

2. (Right) This was pretty much every morning of our first 2 months in Singapore, fresh off the proverbial boat. With the help of 2 private tutors we crammed to know adequate amounts of English and Mandarin before starting grade 2/3 in a local school (i.e. joining the rat race). And the rest is history.. Cheesy adage that springs to mind: remember where you came from.

This is my 3rd attempt at a blog

Hello! 🙂

This is what’s going on: I wanted a fresh space to go with a fresh start to the rest of my life journey. This time, I’m not starting a new blog (just) because I am mortified at the realization that each of my pasts posts bleeds immaturity. Not that I claim to have attained Maturity with a capital M, though, because there’s still so, so much that I’m going to be wrong about, and potentially ashamed of all over again.

But I’ve been broken down to bones, completely dismantled, burned to ashes, and reached that point where I felt like the only way out was inexistence. And then something (actually, Someone) tells me, in a way I cannot doubt, that this is the beginning of a brand new chapter. A chapter that will conclude in a way I would have never imagined. And I need to document it all. Kind of what “Under Reconstruction” is referencing, but more details in future posts!

You’re welcome to journey with me. 🙂